TARTAN 2024
(but not necessarily obedient), might feel resentment, and become palatable and diffident. Their fire
of curiosity and individuality will be quelched before it has even had a chance to ignite.
However, in an Authoritative home, the parent provides for discipline that comes from love. Here is the
exclusive sweet spot where love and discipline intertwine. The parent listens to his child and is aware
of how the child perceives reality and the world around him. There is conversation and dialogue that
maintains the flow of communication. The child feels seen, heard and understood. When the child
makes a mistake, the behaviour is corrected and he must bear the consequences following an apology.
The child expects the parents to discipline him. If the child feels warmth, affection and security from
his family and home, he will always associate discipline with unconditional love, and guidance… not
punishment.
Let your child know that as an adult, you make mistakes too and that you also have worries, anxieties,
fears and reasons for anger. Let them see you as a person who is no different from them. And when
they closely watch you deal with life’s challenges, you will become the greatest example they live by.
As they grow older, they will meet many who will influence them positively (or not so positively),
but you will always be their cornerstone, their guardian of values and strong beliefs, their Bible when
they are raising their own.
There are times when reward and punishment work with children but today, there is an option in
the game plan. Using the tools of encouragement and loving correction makes disciplining today’s
generation far more effective. We don’t want to lead them using a carrot (or the stick) but rather, if
we help them to see the ‘Why?’ it will resonate with them and help them act with integrity, especially
when not under our supervision. Rather than having them comply with the imposition of rules, we
must encourage our children to be empowered by purpose and thus, build character.
Let’s speak to them with purpose and with love. Let’s choose those words wisely and well because
that’s going to be the still, small voice in their mind, always encouraging or warning before they
decide on an action. As we navigate the swift and beguiling currents of modern parenthood, let’s
do good on the tasks we have been given as parents, that of sculpting the
voices within our children, that will echo through their lives.
I think the last lines of Kahlil Gibran’s ‘On Children’ are a befitting
conclusion to this morceau,
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are
sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He
bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also
the bow that is stable.”
Thank you.
Ms Jane Alva Kotian
Principal
Bombay Scottish School, Powai